Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize