I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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