Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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