Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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