Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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