You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize