Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
