I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't turn off my feet"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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