Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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