Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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