I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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