Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh god it's open bar.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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