I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
