today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
