it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I could make wine with my vomit
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
