so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
