I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
