watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
