it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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