Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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