"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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