Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
