He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize