Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
