the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I party with great urgency now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
