why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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