jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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