On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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