Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
