I heard we made out
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
