Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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