broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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