Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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