I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
