i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
