You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
