Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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