We're like a lot better than the average bears
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
