oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
