and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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