It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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