shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
