He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
