I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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