Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
