come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
