Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
