he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
