i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
