he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is Oprah even human
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
