Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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