and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
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