dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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