God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
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