just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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