my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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