I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
