Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize