i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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