My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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