Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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