My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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