Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize