you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just cropdusted the office
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
