3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
