he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
