I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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